ADDICTED

Dear BFDiary,

So I was watching Wendy Williams last night (didn’t care for her on radio, but her TV personality is so relatable and fab) and she had the hot Dr. Drew of MTV/VH1 reality show fame. In light of the uncovered infidelity of people like Jesse James and Tiger Woods, Dr. Drew discussed sexual addition. He explained that (while it is still debated in scientific circles) Tiger Woods had in fact been suffering from an addiction and received and responded well to intense treatment. The key ingredient to an addiction, the doc said, was wanting to stop doing something but not being able to.

As I began to apply the show to my own life I thought about the strongholds I’ve experienced. We’ve all been in situations where we’ve done something, seen the disastrous consequences, and wondered why we did it, for the 1000^th time. We’ve wanted to stop, committed to stopping, and then found ourselves in the same mess time and time again. We may not label it an addiction, but that thing, whatever it may be, becomes a stronghold in our lives and a hindrance in living the lives our Creator destined us to live.

Recently I’ve dealt with the stronghold of acceptance and fear of rejection. Now, I’m not one you would label as having low self-esteem, but I have often struggled with the image people see when they look at me. I discovered this stronghold through my credit card bill. Writing $150.00 into my budget every month for stuff I used to buy troubled a sista. When I realized that I’d charged $3000 in 9 months and didn’t have one extravagant thing to show for it (that’s like 3 designer handbags worth!) I realized that I had a serious spending problem. Although I saw the interest piling up and my balance reaching my credit limit, I continued to spend over and above my income through my allowance from dad and a part time job.

In thinking about when I did the spending, it was always during a high stress time, and often, when I was in the company of friends. When I hid my credit card and put myself on a budget last month I found myself wondering if my friends would still think highly of me if I couldn’t spend like I used to, and that’s when the stronghold was revealed. Spending, for me, was a pacifier and a way to control the image that people had of me.

What thing have you done over and over even though you knew it was bad for you? What person have you said you’d remove from the center stage of your life because of the hurt they bring, but you continue to let them in time after time? What do you find yourself sneaking to do when no one’s watching, and then lying about later? Strongholds, no matter how small they may seem in our minds, are distractions and obstacles.

When a runner has prepared for a race, she doesn’t put on a blindfold, or leg weights, and add extra hurdles. Why? Because that runner is intent on making it to the end. She will strip down to next to nothing so that she’s lighter and can move easier. She will only jump the hurdles that have already been laid before her on the track, because jumping hurdles slows her down and makes her goal (the finish line) harder to reach. The journey of life is like a race in that we are always moving toward a goal, a finish line. Given the world we live in, there’s also hurdles that come with the race (i.e. sexism, classism, inadequate parenting, racism, illness etc…). When we refuse to recognize the strongholds in our lives, and thus, refuse to deal with them, it’s like putting hurdles in our bath that don’t need to be there, or putting 30-pound weights on our legs.

I want us all to finish strong, so let’s start eliminating the STRONGHOLDS today.

*To learn more about how I’m running the race (if you think it might help you) e-mail me at timeka.n.williams@gmail.com.