If You Saw It on Vh1...Don't Try It at Home

What in the world is going on at Vh1? Perhaps their decision to commodify the 21st century black bitch/video vixen/glamorized Jerry Springer guest acting archetype should come as no surprise since they are the network who poisoned us with Flavor of Love, I Love New York, Charm School and other shows I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve watched. (But actually, no guilt will ever overcome the laughable insanity of watching a grown woman uhhh relieve her alleged diarrhea in an evening gown, in the middle of a crowded room, on national television. Flavor of Love 2 was friggin history!)

Since we last spoke this Black Femme has become a working girl…that’s right, I decided to do the 9-5 thing for the summer (actually 8:30-5) and so far, I’m loving it. It could be the fact that I have an office twice the size as the one I share with three other doctoral students when school is in session. Anywho, despite my meager expectations, this job has grown on me.

Adjusting to the summer gig has kept me from the tweetable moments sprinkled throughout Vh1’s current line-up. Basketball Wives (nothing valuable to say here, if you watch the show and don’t realize the blatant issues in this one, you’re probably not supposed to be reading this blog) is well, pretty much the same as it was last season, but Queen Latifah’s “Single Ladies” is making black femmes everywhere take a second look. I finally saw the season premier last night (all two hours, yikes). After getting over the mediocre acting (Was Stacey Dash always so over-the-top dramatic in Clueless? No wonder her most memorable role was on a show for tweens and teens.), the name dropping, and the cliché lifestyles of the black, rich, and famous trimmings that have come to characterize most contemporary Black TV appearances (hello people most folks, not just black folks, are not upper middle or upper class, and most of them don’t drive jags)—I was actually able to get into the story line. I saw, through the seriously exaggerated lives of the three-and-a-half (if you count Lauren London) main characters, so many black femme situations that ring true to life. When Dash’s character sleeps with her ex to prove that she’s over him or has a one-night stand in efforts to “try something new” (really? Has sex become that casual), when LisaRaye’s character plays an upgraded version of cat-and-mouse with a guy (that I not-so-quietly think is going to turn out being on the down low) who outsmarts most of her moves despite her attempts to remain emotionally detached, and when the token spoiled (white) girl whose too stupid to realize that cheating on her black husband will certainly result in extreme (I’m out of a house, a credit card, and probably a husband) consequences, even if its “just a fling”—I thought wow, we’re a hot mess.

Well, I don’t know anyone who actually banged a married political official or “mistakenly” stolen their boyfriend’s jewelry on rap video set, but the root of these behaviors are common to many of us “single” and not-so-single ladies. How many times have you convinced yourself that because your professional life was together, that moral failures didn’t matter so much? How easy is it to buy into our own lies hidden behind a pretty face, over-priced shoes, and a serious-statement bag?

The point is, despite my obvious issues with Vh1, we’ve all heard about, witnessed, or done many of these ridiculous acts ourselves. So since, if you’re like me, you’ll probably be tuning into the show from time to time this summer (or at least you’ll be talking about it), engage the stunning reflection of your worst self. Resist the urge to distance yourself from the polarized representations—and at least make a mental note of what not to do the next time you’re tempted to act without thinking. Ladies, if you saw it on Vh1—don’t try it at home.