All the things we were thinking when... Living life in a black woman's body is an experience unlike any other in the world. These punchy thoughts are a peek into the life, times, and thoughts of one black femme who gets so much out of the journey, she can't help but share it with others.
When the job market doesn't seem to be working out, you have the option of changing your job or switching to a new market. Graphics trained Hampton University graduate-turned-English-teacher, Dominic Dinkins, did both. After landing a short-term job in his dream industry that didn't quite match his career vision, the 25-year-old traded the seemingly lacking industry in Motown for Seoul-town in South Korea. Live octopus may be the best food his new home has to offer, but with his new job Dinkins gets a fully loaded free pad, and a moderate salary that he can pretty much take to the bank. Tune in next week to see how he grinds.
The 10th Annual BET Awards were full of juicy tidbits that would make good beauty shop talk, but one of the most interesting moments for me was Chris Brown's breakdown during his performance of Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror[click here to see the performance]. When his voice started to crack and his legs seemed unable to recreate MJ's original moves (which, by the way, C Breezy absolutely nailed) my gut-reaction-slip-of-the-tongue blurted: Is he serious?
Of course sitting scores of feet in front of Chris is a lot different than looking through a video camera, but what audience members (like Niecy Nash) recognized as a tearful tirade, I considered some misplaced sweat and passion. What was Chris "crying" about: the actual lyrics beckoning us to critical self-evaluation or the memory of the greatest musician of all time. And then there's his repeat apology to fans while accepting the award for the most fan support. Does this mean that Chris has been forgiven?
As someone who wasn't a ride-or-die fan to begin with, I don't have any emotional need to forgive Brown. On the other hand, I can't help but thinking that this whole redemption song breakdown turned heartfelt apology number two isn't a little too convenient to be coincidence.
Today I've come to the conclusion that this post may be unfairly judgmental, but ehhh, I'm willing to take that risk. Do you think C Breezy was for real?
Seeing as how we’ve had some scorching hot days, Will Smith’s “Summertime” has been in rotation for a couple weeks now (not to mention our cousins have started using the weather forecast as an excuse to walk the streets in video-girl gear, but that’s a different post for a different time), but this week officially marks the beginning of summer. For so many of us PYTs the summer is a time of transition and movement. One of my line sisters just made the move from Wisconsin to Cali. My neos are traveling around Europe (if you haven’t been outside of the country for more than 14 consecutive days, put it on your to-do list). And I’ve moved from a college-town in the middle of New York to one just 45-minutes away from Motown—man did I miss the Midwest—in preparation for what will probably be the hardest mental experience of my lifetime (any Ph.D. program is about 2 steps below rocket science). Every time of transition in our lives requires a tool kit to make it to the next level. Whether you’re a high school, college or grad school grad, looking for a new job, in a new relationship, or just at a new age here’s a guide to getting the top 5 BFFs (Black Femme Fetishes) that will sustain you and me both along this summer’s journey.
5. NAIL YOUR LOOK with a bold new summer color for your hands and feet. I’m an OPI girl myself, but I haven’t known Revlon to disappoint. My fav new color (Hot N’ Spicy, OPI) is just the divatude I need to put a little extra pep in my step. Even if you get a regular mani/pedi, you should still own a few colors so that you can reapply when polish starts to chip. It’s also a good idea to take your own bottle to the nail shop, as the polishes in-house are often diluted. *Note: Flashy colors are fun, not professional. Let’s commit to not being the girl who gets stereotyped because of her inner sassy side. While at work, or attempting to get there, embrace your inner mogul in neutral shades.
4. CATCH THE BREEZE in a breathable summer dress that fits your body and your budget. One of the best things about this season is the accessibility of style options that will effortlessly take you from early afternoon lunch to evening rendez-vous. A staple dress that you can dress up or down will carry you through to September. Hit stores like Loehmann’s, TJ Maxx, Marshalls and outlets for this year’s styles at last years prices. I found my fav summer dress at a Calvin Klein Outlet for $30.
3. GO AU NATURAL before the sunshine fades by claiming a cute outdoor space in your city. Spending my lunch hours at Bryant Park last summer taught me never to let September come without having embraced the beauty of God’s creation at it’s most invigorating time. Whether you commit to the open-air festival scene, or, opt for a table at an outdoor eatery, you’ve got to take the time to get some sun. (Campus Martius was named one of the best urban parks, so don’t believe the bad hype about Detroit).
2. RELIVE THE READING RAINBOW. Now that you’re going to be spending more time outside, you’ll need something to do. I suggest reading at least 3 different books that will enhance your life in 3 different ways.
Spirituality: If you’re living in the same world I am, then you can agree that we have to stay spiritually balanced for survival. I’m reading a serious paperback my father suggested, The Three Battlegrounds, by Francis Frangipane. Rick Warren’s The Purpose-Driven Life and Juanita Bynum’s No More Sheets are must-reads for all black femmes.
Intellectual/Professional: In times of transition, preparation is essential. Learn the tools you need to be a better student, professional, or financial steward. I suggest You're So Money: Live Rich, Even When You're Not by Farnoosh Torabi for budget help. I plan on completing for scholarly info in my research field.
Entertainment/Pop Culture: Even if you aren’t the racy romance novel type (you’re lying to yourself) you can pick up something juicy from the fiction shelf so you know what the rest of us are talking about. I just finished Eric Jerome Dickey’s Between Lovers and didn’t put it down once.
Head to the library or amazon.com to save tons of money on your summer reads.
Don’t think you have time for books? Pick up a few new magazines like Bloomberg Businessweek, Essence, and Ms. for great articles that offer tidbits of great info to enhance your life.
1.GET A REALITY CHECK up. If you haven’t been to the doctor’s office or gotten tested for HIV/STIs in the past 6 months, it’s time. If you need ladies-only care but don’t have insurance, head to a Planned Parenthood. Don’t forget that GYN visits aren’t enough. We must be sure to visit a general care physician to maintain health above the belt. I’ll be making an appointment with my new primary care physician this month.
BACKGROUND Syracuse University '09: Public Policy and Music History and Culture
HOW SHE PAYS THE BILLS Policy and Programs Assistant at a local non-profit
GRIND MC, Vocalist, Songwriter, Artist, and CEO of She-Salt Music
Her story has that fairy tale beginning factor, but this artist is not your everyday damsel in distress turned overnight music success. Sharisse Stancil-Ashford has been singing, writing, and creating since she was a little one and took her talent to the next level during her time at Syracuse University where she served as event planner and later president of the Black Artist League. She also performed and was a director of the Black Celestial Choral Ensemble. And no diva this captivating would walk across the stage without first crossing the burning sands into Delta Land. She became a member of the Kappa Lambda Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. in the spring of 2009 just before she graduated. Life after graduation has been no crystal stair, but Sharisse is maximizing every moment. She's gone from managing $50,000 budgets and showcases with artists like Slick Rick pre-grad, to interning for free post-grad, but she's still pushing forward. No shortcuts for this songstress, she’s only satisfied when the stage is set her way, on her terms. Here’s how she grinds.
HOW SHE WENT FROM COLLEGE INTERN TO COLLEGE GRADUATE, AND BACK TO INTERN
I interned at Sony BMG/Zomba Gospel before senior year. When I graduated from SU I did not have a job lined up. After a couple months, I found myself working at an after school program with 5th graders. Not that I don’t love kids, but that’s not what I saw myself doing. But you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to eat. You also have to pay for your hustle and your grind because it’s not going to pay for itself…yet.
I still intern at SOB's (Sounds of Brazil) in Manhattan and help plan Soul Village because I have to be in the type of environment where I see myself. I surround myself with the things and people that I see myself being around.
WHY SHE GRINDS
I’d love to be self-sufficient, relying on myself and my music, and traveling the world as an artist. I also want to pen songs for established artists. I see myself contributing to my community and my people in a greater way than I already am by providing a network of grassroots community centers and organizations to help them in their efforts.
FRUITS OF HER LABOR
I was at an event for my sorority and a woman recognized me as a performer from a show I did at SOB's. It’s rewarding when people recognize me and appreciate what I do.
I’m also affiliated with ASCAP (American Society of Composers, Authors, and Publishers) as a music publisher and songwriter. When you write a song, half of the revenue goes to the people who wrote the song and the other half goes to the publisher. The publisher has the right to release your music, it’s licensing. With She-Salt I’ll be able to negotiate every portion of my music.
WHY THE GRIND KEEPS HER SCHEDULE AND MONEY TIGHT
After I leave my 9-5 job in White Plains I usually take two trains to Manhattan ($20 round trip).Sometimes I can be in Manhattan 3-4 times a week on business.
After expenses, a good portion of my money goes to savings, its what I call the She-Salt savings. I use that money for studio time, and products like a program I just bought to record my vocals. I also pay the musicians I work with.
I rarely get paid for my performances, but I attribute that to the grind too.
HER BFF (BLACK FEMME FETISH)
The only thing I really can’t live without is God, which isn’t really a thing; but as an artist, down the rode I can see myself requesting spinach and chocolate almond milk. And I feel lost without my i-POD touch; music has to be with me at all times.
WHY THIS SOULFUL SISTA IS KEEPING IT SOLO
If a guy wanted to take me out to dinner or something, and he’s cool, then I’ll go. But I’m not searching. The grind is too important; no distractions.
Her advice on achieving “true swag”
Believe and cultivate your own light (talent).Do you and don’t compare yourself to or try to be like anyone else. Appreciate the talent and vision that God has given you.
To get more info about She-Salt and her upcoming "Tastetape" follow her on Twitter: SheSalt.
It’s Tuesday, time to turn my swag on. Not the kind of swag that requires a DJ and Soulja Boy shades. I’m talking about True Swag, the kind that eminates from within and inspires you and I to do more than just get money. The kind that keeps us striving and fighting for more when it seems like the odds are stacked against you.
Every Tuesday at Black Femme Diaries will be True Swag Tuesdays, a time to celebrate the grit and glamour of the grind. We’ll be highlighting guys and gals under 25 who are making brag-worthy moves right now. They aren’t rich or famous (yet) but they’re the seemingly everyday people sitting next to us in class, at work, in church, or even at the dinner table who are educated and not afraid of elbow grease.
We’ll gab about what keeps them motivated when they go from summer intern, to college grad, and back to summer intern. We’ll get the dish on the things they’ve done to stay ahead of the pack. And we’ll even delve into their love lives a bit.
Here’s a sneak peak at our first True Swagg Highlight:
Her story has that fairy tale beginning factor, but this artist is not your everyday damsel in distress turned overnight music success. Sharisse Stancil-Ashford has been singing, writing, and creating since she was a little one and took her talent to the next level during her time at Syracuse University where she served as event planner and later president of the Black Artist League. She also performed and was a director of the Black Celestial Choral Ensemble. And no diva this captivating would walk across the stage without first crossing the burning sands into Delta Land. She became a member of the Kappa Lambda Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc. in the spring of 2009 just before she graduated. Life after graduation has been no crystal stair, but Sharisse is maximizing every moment. No shortcuts for this songstress, she’s only satisfied when the stage is set her way, on her terms. Tune in next week to see how she grinds.
I was a true blue PBS kid. You know, "The Puzzle Place” and “Mister Rogers” in the morning. After school meant quality time with Ms. Frizzle and the “diverse” crowd of students on “The Magic School Bus.” I justified all the time I didn’t listen in my science class at school, by never missing an episode with Ms. Frizzle. I’ll never forget the day she taught me that bugs were good and had a purpose in the universe. They maintained a natural balance; without the big insects, there would be nothing to eat the small insects, and then all the crops would die…something like that. God created the insects and they are serving the purpose that He had in mind.
I’m on the 40-day journey of completing The Purpose Driven Life by Pastor Rick Warren and was reminded of the insect lesson a few days ago. Over 30 million people around the world have also taken this journey to help discover to the question “What on earth am I here for?”.Warren quickly assures us that our purpose in life has more to do with God’s will, and little to do with what brings us pleasure. So it seems ignorant not to ask the question of what on earth are the insects here for. If God created something or permitted it to come into my life, than surely, it’s there for a purpose. Understanding that purpose could be the difference between happiness and misery.
Now, I’m not saying that understanding the purpose of mosquitoes will make their bites any less annoying. I am saying that understanding we were both created by God means harmony is possible when we both fulfill our purpose.
Let’s take food for example. God created the earth to bring forth healthy crops to nourish us, and, animals for us to eat as well. He did not create, high-fructose corn syrup and trans fat. Shows like "The Biggest Loser" are examples of what happens when we as humans are re-educated on the purpose of food, and get back to our purpose of honoring the bodies we are given. When you understand that food is a tool for nourishment and not a pacifier for when you’re having a bad day, you’ll naturally only eat the foods that actually have nourishment. Foods that cause more harm to your body than good, are not serving the purpose for which food was created, and therefore, don’t belong in your system.
I’m making the commitment to ask myself the purpose of a thing before accepting it into my life? Will that apple pie from Mickey D’s bring me more harm than good? If friends are supposed to serve the purpose of confidante and homegirl can’t hold water, does she belong in my inner circle? Will the Tom Ford Aviator sunglasses make me look good now? Yes. What about later? I’ll still look good, but the bill will make me sick.
Immigration policy isn’t just the new buzz word for protesters in Arizona, it’s a nifty tool countries on the have side of the have/have not divisions of the globe use to keep poor people out; that is unless they agree to be overworked and barely paid doing the jobs black folks used to do 50 years ago. Although its Hispanic people who seemed to be making the biggest fuss as of late, plenty of black migrants from places like Jamaica and Trinidad (there are others) who are fighting the same fight. In a world where you need cold hard cash to get cold healthy water, it doesn’t seem odd that only certain people have a right to certain spaces. Color is the thread policy makers often weave through their regulations. The blacker the berry, the more likely they are to want to leave it out of the melting pot.
The big dogs in the BK showed out this weekend when sent Chris Brown stepping. Noting the right to deny entry to anyone for any reason the director of the UK Border Agency International Group stated that public service was their biggest concern.
Unless the UK has been overrun by sultry Caribbean-born pop princesses with sexy accents and sassy attitudes, I’d say the population won’t be in danger with Brown performing in a few concerts. This decision has more to do with him being a young, BLACK convicted FELON, than it does with protecting the citizens from any real threat. Like any other man whose done wrong, Chris must face the consequences of his actions, and I’m not one to judge the severity of those consequences. But let’s be real, the UK isn’t going all gung ho against domestic violence. They see a black man with a record and for them, he just doesn’t belong in their space.
Do you think Britain was wrong for barring Brown from their entire country?
The pretty much prissy girl that I am prohibits me from hardly ever getting violent. Except for that time my stylist showed up 2 hours late to the salon, on PROM day. Just thinking about it still gives me a slightly evil twitch. Well, you'd think that living through that, plus an over-processed color would be enough bad hair karma for any girl to survive, not so much. Three weeks ago I graduated from SU, and, as the senior class marshal (a.k.a. token black girl holding it down for all of us) I had to lead in the entire class of 201o at commencement. Of course, my hair stylist, went out of town.
After I kicked myself for not making an appointment earlier, I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized I could handle my hair on my own. In addition to being extra healthy, my natural do allows me to do things with my hair I wouldn't have dreamed of doing to my silky straight tresses.
Looking over my pictures got me thinking about all the hair transformations of the past 21 years, and the crazy questions I was asked. These are five things that got me rolling. I know my sistas can relate.
Tell me your funniest or most shocking hair horor story, and we'll laugh/cry together.
1. Can I touch it?
Hands off! If you’ve asked this question, you’ve at least got enough sense not to invade a woman’s space without her permission. Once us gals are tall enough to get on the big girl rides at the amusement park, however, we’re beyond the petting stage. No matter how innocently curious you may be, some black women will still feel a sense of uneasy exoticism by this request, so head to a wig shop and knock yourself out.
2. Is that all your hair?
In America, if you buy it, it’s yours; so resist the urge to ask a question that doesn’t make any difference in the first place. If a woman wants you to know her hair is a weave, she’ll tell you.
3. How often do you wash your hair?
Many black women don’t wash their hair everyday, and some do, but there is no code that says we have to do it either way. If the hair stinks or has visible dirt, then you’ve already got your answer.
4. How does your hair really look?
Just like any woman who wears make-up, what you see is what she wants you to see, so don’t inquire about what she leaves to the imagination. On the other hand, you can’t assume that every black woman with soft curls or straight hair is wearing a weave or has chemically straightened her hair.
5. Can you change your hair to meet Eurocentric beauty standards?
So this isn’t exactly water cooler chatter but everyday, employers, loved ones, and friends, ask black women to alter styles that are neat and clean, because they don’t meet popular beauty standards. When you’re in a position of influence, dare to see beauty outside the little white box.
